Cosine Thoughts

I find writing down my thoughts helps to internalize things and get the most out of things like advice or observations. So, here is the first post in my run-up to testing for Ni-Dan later this year. Internally we had an internal "mock" shinsa at out dojo to see who the instructors felt were ready to challenge for their respective Dan in either the upcoming video or in-person Shinsas. My result? After a pretty good result in an earlier internal shinsa, I regressed a bit. I still got the green light to go forward with a few areas of note that I need to work on. Some from their perspective, some from my own, and some from a pair of guest instructors from the day of the mock shinsa that likely saved me from failing out completely. I'll start with my own thoughts. I always need to work on rhythm and timing with a TACHI . I'm doing video shinsa, so that is less important to testing this time, but would be critical for any in-person shinsa. And beyond Ni-Dan all testing is i...

A recent development in the past year or so at our dojo has been an "internal shinsa" to test for whether or not the dojo leadership would allow us to challenge for the next shinsa. I love the idea. My own feedback? I wish I had done worse. I have a problem. I don't like positive feedback. It doesn't tell me much. By no means was the performance perfect, and there were critiques. They were simply stifled by the positives. It deflates the sense of urgency and need for me. I suppose that there is an up side. It forces me to be the negative one. We didn't get to see the recordings, so I can only focus on what I was told and what I normally don't do well. And that too is a blessing in disguise. That performance was singular. Both in the literal sense and in the sense that I was feeling REALLY GOOD that day. I've never been able to perform so "freely". So, in some sense, focusing too much on that performance might not be as helpful. The critiques I di...

This past Tuesday I completed my first attempt at Shodan via Video Shinsa. It will still be weeks to months before I hear back on the results. The process, regardless of the outcome, has been enlightening. A few major points: Anxiety is apparently something I struggle with. Practice helps overcome anxiety, to a degree. I'm glad I had this experience, but I think I would prefer to do in person Shinsas in the future. The anxiety may seem like nothing worth pointing out. And for many it may not be. For me, I haven't really experienced it since around grade 10. There was a point where I was stressed about a test, I told myself that stressing wouldn't improve my grade and might actually make it worse. That stuck, and I haven't really been stressed or anxious about anything since. Until now. On top of that, I can't seem to shake it. Even if I identify that I'm panicking in the moment. Even if I know it is no big deal and that the panic isn't helping. I'm not s...

Right now my biggest (though certainly not only) issues are the fundamentals. The basics. Posture, speed and form. I know form is a very broad term, but I'm talking about specific forms like my ENSOU, or even TENOUCHI. On the posture front, I'm a software guy. I sit at a desk all day and have developed a bad posture for years. This isn't impossible to overcome. But it is far from trivial. And breaking out of a good posture mid performance can make an otherwise acceptable showing into a bad one. Correcting my posture, similarly, draws attention to its absence prior. On the speed front, this isn't technically a fundamental, but it is an area of focus at the moment. I'm doing video shinsa this year. And apparently I need from my YU at HONZA until my HANARE on my OTOYA to be about 3 minutes. Right now... closer to 4. My pauses between movements tend to be too long. I like to make my pauses pronounced to punctuate the division between one movement and the next. And this ...